I coulda' smoked him right there, but today I wonder if he was right. Would that help me right now? Would I be happy with that, or at least happier? All the meds that I used to take would only kill the highs and lows. Yeah, you aren't in the pits, but you have no joy, no excitement, no real motivation. Who knows...
Friday, May 15, 2009
Could he have been right?
When I get depressed and lonely I simultaneously get angry and easily frustrated. I don't know how to express what I feel properly, but I have to let it out somehow, so I will just cuss at small inconveniences or randomly punch things. There is also this deep belly roar that scratches at my throat to be released but I rarely let it out. I don't think these things are good for me, but I think this is how a lot of guys deal with stuff. I don't really cry, and when I do I feel like a pussy or like I'm forcing it out. As a result it happens very rarely. Maybe once every year or so. The last time that I can remember was about this time 3 years ago. It was the only time I can remember that a man made me cry. A few months later I ran into him and told him I was dealing with depression and wouldn't be able to keep my leadership role in his organization. He told me I needed a girlfriend.